Thursday, 31 December 2009

Final thoughts for 2009... Limbaugh laid low

Rumours are reaching me that Rush Blahblaugh has been Limboed into hospital with a inflated bile duct - although doctors maintain that it's a common condition with Blahblaugh, and he's expected to make full re-entry in the new year.

Expect to see the full story in an interview in the Wall Street Jingo soon...



Wednesday, 23 December 2009

They just don't release albums like this any more...

Crimes against sartorial elegance aside - in a word: unsavoury


Please help me kill my son - for 'tis written!

Gotta love the Chaser's War on Everything:


Monday, 21 December 2009

US Healthcare Bill passed in the Senate

Barack Obama healthcare bill passes vital US Senate vote

About time too! Let's get this show on the road!

The Senate finally looks like it has put this on track to a bill being signed before the end of the year - in spite of all the slave-to-the-Insurance-Lobbyists Republicans trying their best to be partisan heels and use the filibuster.

Looks like the US might finally now join the rest of the industrialised Western democracies in assuming its societal responsibilities where national healthcare is concerned.

Saturday, 19 December 2009

Dr Samuel Johnson's review of 2009

If you're not following this guy on Twitter, I recommend you do so: he's very funny!

You can follow him at @DrSamuelJohnson or at

Either way, here's his review of 2009, lifted lock, stock and barrel from today's Guardian newspaper.

Dr Samuel Johnson Photograph: Corbis

Pop culture 2009: The year in lists

The Guide's review of the past 12 months starts here, as legendary man of letters Dr Samuel Johnson sharpens his virtual quill pen to look back

@drsamueljohnson The Guardian Saturday 19 December 2009

✒ The Americkan Populace now coronate Mister OBAMA, for he has solemnly promis'd not to be Mister BUSH

✒ Tis the Fashion for the Dandy to stride around dress'd as a Hudson Bay Lumber-Jack, wielding a Man-Bag in place of an AXE

✒ Bedlamite Harlequin Lady GAGA is oft dress'd as Mister Thos. TELFORD'S Iron-Bridge

✒ Celebrated Trollop Miss JORDAN and unremarkable Hellenic Troubadour Mister ANDRE separate in Publick, just as they met, lived and FORNICAT'D

✒ The League of Champions is 'pon us: has Almighty GOD carv'd Mister Wayne ROONEY's Face from a POTATO?

✒ After the Appt. of Sir Alan SUGAR as Govt. Emissary, I beseech that militaristick Actor Ross KEMP should be Secretary for WAR

✒ Glastonbury (n.) Farmer's Field wherein OAFS enact the Battle of Marston Moor accompany'd by Musick & OPIATES

✒Mister Andy MURRAY scampers round a cover'd Green-House for five Hours and is declar'd a national HERO

✒ Whiggish-mind'd People do flock unto the electronick-Theatre to see Mister BARON COHEN play affeckted Hapsburg Molly BRÜNO

✒ Great Alarmum greets the Govt's Swinish-Flu Hotline, whereby Hystericks can procure Patent-Medicine thro' BESEECHING & LYING

✒ Footpad & Highwayman Mister Ronnie BIGGS escapes the Gibbet & is Free to ROB other disabl'd Octagenerians

✒ Froz'n Costermongers ICELAND dismiss Portly Slattern Miss Kerry KATONA; she will find Employ in Mister HOGARTH'S Gin Lane

✒ Pugilistick Cave-man Mister Noel GALLAGHER abandons the OASIS minstrel-Troupe after sixteen Years & one SONG

✒ Great Hordes of Saxon Gold found in Stafford-Shire; as if pagan Warriors once dress'd as Fool-Pitier Mister BARACUS

✒ Pie-fac'd Rag Doll Mister Dominic MOHAN supports the Tories, as direct'd by Boy King MURDOCH & th'opinion Polls

✒ X Factor: another Saturday ruin'd by Tear-stain'd Orphan-Protector Mister Louis WALSH & his Retinue of singing URCHINS

✒ Hateful Crone Miss Jan MOIR uses her Quill not to write but to pin all Manner of CALUMNY 'pon the Body of poor Master GATELY

✒ At Autumntide, the mawkish Revel of Children-In-Need does tend to Infants in Want of Care & Adults in Want of ATTENTION

✒ England to play the Americkan Colonie in the World-Cup: I shall take Mister Benj FRANKLIN with Mister STANLEY'S Knife: "Who Art Thou?, Who Art Thou?"

✒ Copenhagen (n.) Parlour-Game wherein Ambassadors do ask their Neighbour to place less Coal 'pon the Fire, oft in VAIN


Friday, 18 December 2009

A Pictorial Guide to Avoiding Camera Loss

Ingenious! Click the link below.

A Pictorial Guide to Avoiding Camera Loss - by Andrew McDonald

Not intended for homes with children...

Ah, well that's OK then... make sure you get two - one for each side of the bed!

Thanks to Geoff Berg for this clip.

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace Review (Part 1 of 7)

This is essential viewing!

After three superb Star Wars films, George Lucas then goes and dilutes his stock completely by farting out three more fucking awful cash-ins.

You can find the other six episodes of this satirical and immensely enjoyable review on YouTube.

Watch this and enjoy!


Thursday, 17 December 2009

America's running out of 'Reality TV' - so Fox fills the gap...

Thanks to Media Matters for putting this montage together - it clearly illustrates the sea of bovine crassness which tries to pass for 'news' in the US. What follows is what you believe when you've ceased to think. What it doesn't explain is the damage to its reputation abroad which America is doing by embracing this nonsense.


Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Why are virtually all climate 'sceptics' men?

Click to enlarge image

Richard Black, the BBC's on-line environment correspondent, posed this question in his on-line piece on their website today: COP15: Climate 'scepticism' and questions about sex.

I'm happy to report that my good friend, Don, who has a gift for these measured responses, rendered this typically self-depreciatory rationale by way of a reply:

"Men tend not to believe in Global Warming for the simple fact that we find it hard to face the reality that we might not be able to 'write our names in the snow' if the Earth warms too much..."

 And I have to admit, I can't see how anyone might counter that with an alternative rationale.

Saturday, 12 December 2009

Is this Teak or Oak?

Is this in any way inappropriate, or purely natural?

Picture courtesy of my good friend Brian Hutton - scene-setter par excellence.

Friday, 11 December 2009

Happy Hanukkah

To all our Jewish readers out there - Happy Hanukkah


Thursday, 10 December 2009

The changing face of words

Just culled this from a collection of TV comic memorabilia, dating back to 1951, which is going under the hammer in the UK - estimates place the collection raising in excess of £1,000.00 - although the comedy factor of some of the thoroughly non-PC pieces is priceless.

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Fox News: Flat Earthers-R-Us

Our regular readers will be aware of Fox News' comical inability to be accurate, when reporting anything other than its entirely right wing agenda. The tragedy is, Fox still maintains it's doing a "good job" - although precisely whose definition of 'good' is being used here is still open to healthy debate - alas, the latter also being in scarce supply at Fox.

Recently, they've deliberately contrived to falsify news footage, in a transparent attempt to promote one of their own pet causes. In fact they did this twice in one week - until Fox executives threatened to fire anyone else caught doing it again, as the feeling was that it might be making them "look bad".

This was followed rapidly by former White House Press Secretary, under President Gump Bush, Dana Perino, appearing on the Hannity show and claiming to all and sundry that "there was no terrorist attack on the US whilst president Bush was in power..." Oops!

Then, in an almost Kamikaze-like attempt at self-ridicule, they go and prove that, as a "news" entity, they don't actually employ anyone who is capable of doing junior school mathematics in the form of percentages.

And now, two new instances of Fox fuckwittage have come to light: one involving ineptly rearranging the geopolitical map of the Middle East on a whim; the other having the temerity to call into question the veracity of climate change figures - when (again) they can't even get their own percentage figures to add up to 100%

Firstly, let's see that map.

Now, Palin's claim to be able to see Russia from her house notwithstanding, in the pantheon of egregious schoolboy errors, even for Fox, this rates as a gem. I'm sure the Egyptians - to say nothing of the Jordanians, Syrians, Saudis and Iranians - might be forgiven for lodging a complaint with the UN at being mistaken for Iraq!

I think it only polite not to ask what Fox have done with the Pyramids.

[cough] Moving swiftly on....

Now, unless you've been living in a cave without cable for the last 10 years, you'll know that one of the things which confirms Fox as one of the leading flat-earth-minded broadcasters is its point-blank refusal to accept that there is any link or relationship between Man, the burning of fossil fuels, and how an otherwise increasing rise in the level of overall 'greenhouse gases' is having an adverse effect on the Earth's climate.

Indeed, so confident of this view are they that they've just released another of their polls which shows... which shows that yet again Fox can't even do basic arithmetic.

Anyone care to add up these percentages to see if they come to anywhere near 100%?

Anyone like to suggest how an organisation so atrocious at the basics in maths can have the crass audacity to question the data coming from the world's leading experts in the field?

Anyone care to explain how Fox News can still claim to be a 'news' organisation? Perhaps we could get them to point on a map to where they think global warming is coming from?

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

The ultimate SEO headline?

Had to love this: How Will Copenhagen Affect the World Amanda Knox Sees When She Comes Home?


Saturday, 5 December 2009

Amanda Knox and Sollecito guilty of Kercher murder

The trial's taken nigh-on a year and the verdict's finally in: and thank God it's over - Amanda Knox and Sollecito guilty of Kercher murder.

We can sit here all day and debate whether justice has been done or how attractive Knox is, but frankly the important thing is that it looks like we've thankfully been spared yet another round of, *cough*,  'penetrating interview'-wrapped-in-sympathy-fest on Oprah and Larry fucking King.

Thank you Italy! Berlusconi may be a global joke, but today you did the world a service!

Friday, 4 December 2009

Twat of the Week oblivious to own Irony


NB: For the benefit of our US readers, in the UK, what you call 'chips', we call 'crisps'.

On spotting the headline to what could have been just another shaggy-dog tale, I nearly had a coffee-meets-screen moment; and perhaps understood why he did what he did, on reading the guy's name: Crisp lover changes name to Mr Monster Munch

Alas, and apart from the guy being a complete tool, the report doesn't say whether C. Hunt has any brothers named 'Mike'.

UK 'X Files' now closed

UFOs no longer investigated in the UK.

Now if I'm being completely honest, I can't say that this news troubles me unduly - in fact I always considered the species of UFO-devotees to be far more of a national threat to the country's sanity and security than I ever did aliens.

And the bonus is, even though the files are now closed, the hunters are still there (and very much real), and so still available for parody.

"Klaatu barada nikto!"

This week's Twitter gags

My carpenter is so fastidious, he manicures his nails.
Peter Serafinowicz

I know my celeb status has dwindled but after 15 yrs to be dropped from switching on the Xmas lights in my own home...
 David Schneider

I'm not a real mathematician; I'm just pi-curious
Michael McKean

Monopoly rules updated to allow banker to pay themselves £20,000 bonus each turn
David Schneider

New FIFA rulling means in International matches, all players must have a translator playing alongside them.
Armando Iannucci

"I just want silence. Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more."

Thursday, 3 December 2009

What is the Internet? A definitive answer


Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Was Tiger Woods 'playing the back nine'...?

I love the way this has already been spun to appear as though his wife was only "helping him out of the car by smashing the rear window with a golf club"... a golf club she just happened to be carrying, [cough], at the time... So the introduction of golf-club-to-car-door was in no way the result of an other-woman-fuelled 'domestic' then...?

Err... OK...

That's rather like a jewel thief explaining to the arresting officer that the rock he's just thrown through the jewellery shop window was only done in order to "alleviate the boredom of the diamond necklaces on display".

This photo taken Nov. 27, 2009 and provided by the celebrity Web site shows a Cadillac Escalade that Tiger Woods crashed into a tree outside his home in Windermere.(AP PHOTO/TMZ / November 26, 2009)
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