Friday, 30 October 2009

Venerable Lessons Learnt: #1

There are moments in my life where I just bleed altruism and beneficence: and today is one such day. Indeed, it is in that spirit that here I pass on some 'the world will benefit from my folly' type knowledge. Also, in the canon of appropriate footwear to be worn for the job at hand, this is a potential doozy and hopefully instructive to future generations.

I can now report that trying to mow the lawn, trim the hedges (whilst up a pair of ladders), and generally prune the garden (raking the leaves was a particular bitch!) in the above footwear is not to be recommended: strange as the compulsion to do so might seem. 


Because sprained ankles are only the entry-level abuse to your system if you do - that, and looking a consummate twat for a man of my age, haircut and singular catastrophe when seen in mid-air, falling, flailing, from a ladder, and doing what looked (to certain watching connoisseurs at least) like a double-Lutz-whilst-attempting-a-triple-Salchow-jump-rectification - all prior to landing in a crumpled and defeated mess on the grass. 

Yes, the neighbours may have stood there clapping and shouting "Author!" at such an audacious, radical and spirited combination of aerial gardening manoeuvres (perhaps they just weren't ready for my interpretation of the Bolshoi-school of falling and making a balls of it?), but it played havoc with my standing at the local police-vs-neighbours Rugby match. Try telling your opposing number prop forward in the scrum that you were only doing this for a bet - he simply won't believe you. And why should he?

Fear not, I shall endeavour to bring you these nuggets of what-not-to-do on a semi-regular basis. It is, however, your job to question the validity of my decisions to pass them on!


  1. Those are some uptown shoes!

    Now then, be careful, young man--and thanks for all the thoughtful comments over at my place.

  2. Uptown-schmuptown: they're a killer for the working man :D

    As for your place, it's must-visit read. Keep it up Erin.

  3. When I was seeing J off at Lime Street last Sunday, there was a woman there who, I swear, had high heels on that were so tall that her feet were almost vertical. How the hell do women walk in such things? I thought the art of foot binding in ancient China was bad enough.

    Mate, those shoes look even wilder, they're the deranged end products of designers who've sniffed too much of God's magic dandruff. Please, buy some sensible brogues, wits with broken necks seldom prosper!

  4. Brogues it is Ian! Donning the wardrobe of Derek Zoolander whilst doing domestic chores is not a look I intend to revisit.


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